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Leave family matters to the family

`...the press should not in any way become a communication channel for the two sides, nor should it become judgmental or be used by one side against the other.'

During the past three months, I've been a member of a media circus which tracked every move of the Brazilian and Taiwanese relatives of the five-year-old boy, Iruan Ergui Wu (吳憶樺).

Having listened to both sides' arguments, it's easy to see that they both have a case and neither of them intended to offend.

Normally, misunderstanding and distrust would be overcome by the two sides more easily without the constant presence of the media. Instead, any accusation propelled by strongly held emotions and made before the cameras by one side against the other only led to more fiery invective from that other side, and so on.

The Brazilian grandmother believes she has grounds to request the return of the boy, given that Iruan's father had transferred custody of the child to her and she had taken care of him after his mother's death when he was only three years old.

That's very much the way the Brazilian people see the case and they are confused as to why Iruan's Taiwanese uncle thinks he has the right to keep the boy when all the legal odds are against him.

To be fair, the mild-tempered, straight and honest uncle does not bear the slightest hostility toward the grandmother or Iruan's other Brazilian relatives.

And as a Taiwanese who has grown up in a culture in which continuation of the father's bloodline is highly valued, I can empathize with his attempts to take custody of the child on behalf of his brother. But patriarchism itself is not a good enough reason to be granted custody of a child.

But his love for the child is genuine as was the welcome he gave Iruan's grandmother. The welcoming crowd may have looked slightly intimidating to the Brazilian guests, as you yourself could no doubt imagine if you were surrounded by crowds of foreigners and media in a distant country of which you barely know anything at all.

But that's the most natural way for the people of the small fishing town to show their friends and their friends' relatives that they are welcome.

Sadly, communication between two groups is never that simple and straightforward. And cultural differences -- not to mention the involvement of outsiders, politicians and the press -- have made it even more difficult.

It's all too easy for each of us to seize fragments of information and organize them into the story we want to believe, but it seems impossible to reconstruct all the facts of this case.

While the Wu family said that Iruan's mother once visited Taiwan and stayed for six months, the grandmother said her daughter had never been to Taiwan.

The Wu family said Iruan's father began to worry about Iruan's education after the boy caused a fire at their home. But the grandmother said that an investigation by Brazilian fire officers showed that it was an electrical short circuit that caused the fire.

While the grandmother said that Iruan's father had transferred custody of Iruan to her and bought a house in Iruan's name, the Wu family said that the father, as a foreigner, had to do so under Brazilian law in order to buy the house in the boy's name.

Everyone is free to render their own judgement. "The boy should stay. He's the child of a Taiwanese," or "Iruan should go back to Brazil. The uncle has no right to keep the child."

But why not let the two sides reach an agreement on their own in Iruan's best interest?

It doesn't make sense to appeal to national or cultural pride because family business is a matter for family members alone.

A lovely kid, an international dispute and a complex plot make perfect news for the media. It's unfair to blame the media for reporting the facts of the case because they've got their job to do.

But the press should not in any way become a communication channel for the two sides, nor should it become judgmental nor be used by one side against the other. The press should know that. So should the two families.

I looked at little Iruan's face as he was taken by his Brazilian uncle to an upstairs room, where his grandmother was waiting and the three were to spend two hours alone together. He was scared, probably because there were so many cameras around and because he felt insecure in this new environment.

The families' negotiations have failed. But can anyone tell Iruan, "The fight will go on for some time, so you should just be patient"?

In this case, both the people of Taiwan and Brazil have tended to get one-sided stories. What worries me is that nationalism is being fanned in both countries by some of the media coverage, which has been biased and distorted, whether deliberately or otherwise.

And, too many outsiders, in pursuit of their own agenda, have attempted to unduly influence the outcome of the negotiations and exaggerated the split between the two parties.

Enough is enough. The child might not be able to speak for himself, but the adults should know that anything they do without taking the child's interests into account could jeopardize the boy's future. It's time to take our hands off now and leave family matters where they belong -- with the family.

Irene Lin is a staff reporter for the Taipei Times.
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